Thursday, July 24, 2014

Now She is Twelve

 My beautiful first baby turned 12 on Monday. She's now 5 foot 8 inches...if I am generous with myself I am 5 foot I'm thinking she's going to be taller than I am. She outgrew the outfit I have taken photos of her in at every birthday so that tradition is, sadly, finished for her. The tree we've taken photos by for the last 12 years is not looking well. It was a very hard winter. Perhaps it will come back. Perhaps it will be another tradition that will pass us by.
 This first baby of mine is so fun to get to know. This last year has brought maturity to her, and we've gotten to be friends on a different level than before. She still thinks I suck though because I am her parent first and that's not so fun for her. She gets grumpy at me but I can still make her laugh easily.
I am so lucky to have her. I love my Miss M.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Random Thoughts Possibly #58 My Counting Sucks

  1. My kids are now almost 12 years, almost 10 years and just-turned 6 years.
  2. Miss M, my oldest, is pretty awesome. I can make her laugh these giant laughs even when she is trying to be a big grumpy butt. She also has a fabulous sense of humor and makes me laugh quite often with her intelligent wit. 
  3. K Man, despite being almost 10, remains an affectionate boy. I had worried that he would quit giving me loves by now and I am thankful he doesn't show signs of stopping.
  4. Ms. D is six and testing her independence more than I remember the other two doing, but I admit I am old and my memory is weak. This sweet, sweet, baby can be quite a sassy mouth these days. She is still choosy about which people she will talk to, but can certainly talk my ear off at home.
  5. Sometimes I feel the need to hide in my husband's and my bedroom just to hear the absence of voices and to feel no one hanging on me.
  6. Almost 12 years after having my first child, I still often can not use the bathroom in peace.
  7. Several years later, I am still only on Chapter 2 of that book I mentioned.
  8. One of my favorite things in life is making my mom laugh.
  9. I still haven't figured out what I am supposed to be when I grow up. IF I grow up.
  10. My husband got a new job at the same company and seems much happier. This makes me much happier. Less stress is always a good thing.
  11. D got her ears pierced a few days ago. She'd been asking for several weeks to have it done. She didn't even flinch at the piercings. The little girl after her said "ouch" and was visibly distressed after each ear. D has always been quite good at taking "shots."
  12. I'm disappointed in myself for failing at my attempt at weight loss with a personal trainer. I don't know what to do to reverse how fat I am. Some of my weight is because of medications. I wish I knew the secret to going back to being a normal weight.
  13. I try to ignore the number 13 as much as possible. Please to not be turning the volume to number 13.
  14. Someday I hope to be a productive member of society. I hope to be successful as a photographer, artist or writer. I will not be holding my breath.
  15. :Look at me. Look at me. I am the captain now.:
  16. "You are not alone."
  17. Inside jokes are fun.
  18. Who dat? Who dat? I.G.G.Y
  19. Don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Observing The Park

A solitary woman sits on one of the benches, presumably the parent of children older than the majority of the kids running around. It's both liberating and isolating to reach that point in the playground culture. The parents with younger kids hold playgroups at the park, ensuring they have other parents to commiserate with while their children toddle around them. The few parents at the park before school is out for the day who have older children literally sit on the bench, neither wanting to be parked there but also not wanting to join in the play.

A father spots his toddler climbing the stairs, ready to catch her if her steps become unsteady. He doesn't converse with the other parents; his mind only on safety and protection. He smiles when his daughter turns toward him but his face returns to concerned concentration when she turns away. She is obviously his first and only child. His daughter leads him throughout the playground as though he were on a leash and he follows, a willing participant in her game of follow-the-leader.

There is the group of mothers standing in a tight circle, chatting. Without realizing it, they have closed ranks. No outsiders dare breach their circle. They trade stories of their current time in the trenches. Suddenly one of them looks alarmed. She can't see her child. She stands on tiptoe, then crouches, searching but not wanting to appear the overprotective mom to her peers. Just as quickly, she spies her child, safe and playing happily. It is another false alarm in a string of many before her offspring leaves the nest.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

My Baby is Six

It's a cliche, right? I blinked and somehow my baby is turning 6 years old. She's a feisty one. She was such an easy baby I should have known that there would be more rocks ahead than I thought. Around strangers she is still slow to warm up, which I appreciate after two kids that see everyone as a potential friend. Actually, she's not slow to warm to everyone, but she is choosy about who she warms to. I think this is a great attribute. We should be choosy about who we share ourselves with. (And that pretty much contradicts the idea of writing a public blog.) I never know who she will talk to and who she will just smile at from behind my leg.

She's practicing independence in spades. (That's p.c. talk for driving her parents insane with back talk and sass.) She's great at giving me the stink eye if I displease her.

Yet most often the word for her is smiley. She's just happy to be alive. She demands very little. She entertains herself if no one is available to play with her.

I love you my new six-year-old!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Kid Haikus

I remember when
motherhood was so easy.
I didn't know it.


If I am having
such trouble with a preteen
all the teens are doomed.


When D was little
she was such an easy girl.
Paybacks are a bitch.


I have but one boy.
He is an enigma.
But I love him so.


I am pretty sure
I have messed up it all.
I can only hope.


Yet I would never
give up one minute of it
time with my children.
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